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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in High-Tech Rednecks' LiveJournal:

Thursday, May 17th, 2007
3:44 pm
Redneck Job Application
A VERY tech-savvy redneck. With no underpants. Quick- anyone got $30k??

Shawn - For a year - Sale

Current Mood: dirty
Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
1:13 pm
Redneck Terms of Endearment
"You're The Cheez Wiz on my Potato."

"Being without you is like a biscuit without gravy."

"I need you like someone with the squirts needs Pepto Bismol."

"You make me so excited, I just can't hold my bladder."

"I wanna be close to you like a leech on an abrasion."

"I want you like a dog wants a muscular leg."

"You mean more to me than a Buy one, Get one Free Coupon at Waffle

"I want you more than a Romulan wants to kill a Klingon."

"I want you more than the nastiest heroin addict needs a fix from a
dirty needle."

"Its either you or the dog but I gotta sleep with someone tonight!"

Current Mood: cheerful
8:17 am
Our Windooaaws!
Oh GAWD!!!! Who taught these people how to use videe-yah cameras??

Current Mood: amused
Wednesday, April 18th, 2007
4:04 pm
Sunday, October 29th, 2006
2:49 pm
Redneck Mini-Mart

In case you can't read it, it says, "If you want to continue shopping here, stay out of ashtray! no exceptions."

This is a problem in Springfield, apparently?
Monday, October 23rd, 2006
8:52 am
Redneck Mom's Letter
Dear Son,

I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.

It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes.

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.

Love, Ma

Current Mood: bouncy
Tuesday, October 17th, 2006
9:04 am
Monday, October 16th, 2006
3:07 pm
2:39 pm
Friday, September 29th, 2006
10:32 am
RedNeck YouTube
Surely on occasion a person of intelligence is born to Redneck country. The laws of genetics wouldn't have it any other way.

This is how they solve that little quandry:

Thursday, August 31st, 2006
8:44 am
Redneck Love Poem
From matchgirl42

Redneck Love Poem

Susie Lee done fell in love;
she planned to marry Joe
she was so happy 'bout it all
she told her pappy so.

Pappy told her, Susie gal,
you'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' ma don't know,
but Joe is yo' half brother.

So Susie put aside her Joe
and planned to marry Will,
but after telling pappy this,
he said, "there's trouble still.

You can't marry Will, my gal,
and please don't tell yo' mother,
but Will and Joe, and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother."

But mama knew and said, "My child,
just do what makes yo' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe.
You ain't no kin to pappy."
Thursday, August 10th, 2006
10:47 am
10:46 am
Redneck Lifestyle
((If you can't see this, please go to : http://karinablack.blogspot.com/2006/08/redneck-lifestyle.html))

Redneck Guest Rooms:
Redneck Lottery winner:
Redneck cat:
Redneck Palm Pilot:
Redneck Wedding Reception:
Redneck Gingerbread House:
Redneck Racing Fan:
Redneck Pet Carrier:
Redneck Weather Station:
Redneck Boat:
Redneck Grill:
Redneck Horseshoes:
Redneck Riding Lawnmower:
Redneck Cupholder:

Current Mood: amused
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
10:37 am
You Are 15% Redneck

I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style.
You ain't no redneck - you're all Yankee!
Monday, June 12th, 2006
10:06 am
A couple of good ones!
from kearny :

from dizzymartian :

Current Mood: amused
Thursday, February 16th, 2006
4:22 pm
Top 16 Country Songs
Top 16 Country Songs

16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long

15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well

11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here

7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now

6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him

5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure

2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With Ugly Women but I've Sure Woke Up With A Few. (Bobby Bare)

Yes, They're real songs.
This post's contest will be to see if you can find the link to the lyrics for the first 9 songs, the link for the last song is posted for you.
10 points per link you find, end date is 3/20/06

Current Mood: amused
Thursday, February 9th, 2006
1:58 pm
My favorite bumperstickers from: BumprStickerz

4 behind the cutCollapse )

Gotta luv them Redneck Bumperstickers. Got any more? Post 'em in a comment below!
1:45 pm
Are you a High-Tech Redneck?
How to tell if you might be a "high tech redneck"

If your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com"

If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page"

If the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop"

If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson"

If you've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone.

If your computer is worth more than all your cars combined

If your wife said "either she or the computer had to go", and you still don't miss her

If you've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on

If you ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy"

If your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck, tractor, or farm animal

If you start all your e-mails with the words "Howdy y'all"

(x-posted to truly_bad_jokes)

Current Mood: amused
1:27 pm
Are you a Redneck?
While anyone can join this community, only a select few can post just to dilute the amount of piss in the gene pool.

If you would like posting access, and to start earning points towards "Biggest Redneck Awards," please fill out the application below. Put it as a public entry in your OWN journal and comment below with the link. Thanks!

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Current Mood: amused
12:56 pm
Are you the Biggest Redneck?
Points will be tallied and updated here. To see who wins the title for "biggest High-Tech Redneck," Click here!Collapse )

Points are given:

1 point for each referral
5 points for initial application
10 points for each hilarious new Redneck post
10+ community contests, etc.

Please place your comment below to request points, y'all.

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Current Mood: amused
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